heart palpitations

not everything's as easy as it could be. i don't know why it was so complicated to order something online; i could have driven to another city and back and had the item i'll now wait 3 to 5 business days to acquire. but in the meantime, in the course of trying to acquire it, i had to put the phone down and submerge, deep into the sofa and while there, using my dog as a pillow, i noticed my heart wasn't actually beating regularly and my mind started throwing up all these ideas about it, about dying and who would pay my debts and who would end up with my art and who would take care of things, who would make up my dying bed and it was like there was a crowd of people standing over me pointing out all the different choices i could have made up to this moment and then i realized how glad i was i hadn't actually been able to acquire that item after all as the cash i might have spent for it might really come in handy should i actually die lying on my dog on my sofa. turns out there's a bunch of people in the world who have heart palpitations for all kinds of reasons and mine fit neatly into one of those normalish reasons so i didn't have to save that twenty five dollars for dying after all. it was okay to buy a book about buying a piece of paris and living the dream and i looked into all those clamoring suffocating faces with a smile on mine cause i still had the chance to make it come true.