oh words, inadequate words. how i adore the struggle of trying to get you to come out of my mouth in the same order i have rehearsed them adnauseum in my mind! it's so much like when you're high and you have one of those really amazing conversations in your head with someone and then later can't remember if you actually had it or not and usually it turns out not and then you can never remember the exact intention of whatever it was you were trying to say in the first place.

somewhere along the way i just got scared to say most anything involving feelings to anyone and started overusing the three strikes you're out rule but without ever letting anyone know, so i guess it was really more like three strikes i'm out, but with the same result in the end. well, it's not that i wouldn't say anything to anyone cause i sure do like to tell a tale and the taller the better, but it seemed like maybe i was always talking to the 50 people who couldn't possibly do anything about it instead of the one person who could. i didn't realize how good i had gotten at walking away...i knew i was a world champion at pushing people away, but i didn't see for real what a great runner i was myself. i'm always rubber when i need to be glue. or the other way around.