"this is what you get when you mess with love..." i don't know, is that even what it says in that radiohead song? when i mess with it, or something like it, or what i think is it anyway, i almost always almost disappear. right down to skin and bones and dry dust nothing. i think maybe that's what happens when i'm aiming for the wrong thing and getting it or sometimes even not getting it, just the energy of the wanting and the aiming for something short of love because it's all that's available to me, the obsession burns everything else right up. then there's those long in between times where there's no dates, no love, no nothing like that, just a full fat life all bloating up in front of me. in the in between times, i eat love, i guess. it's pretty freaking sweet.

(i wish for a minute i could lose myself sometimes.)