ugh. love. i don't really know what it is. not even now. every time i think i do, it turns out not. is it really just about a magic moment or three and then working to string them out into a whole lifetime? sometimes it's like i realize i'm having a feeling and finally, it's a GOOD ONE, and if it's a good one, it must be love, right? i'm often falling into something and i still don't know what it is. last night i saw a bunch of people i used to know and that i hadn't seen in a really, really long time and that i also used to think were so gorgeously handsome and beautiful and i don't know if it was them or me or if i can even apply the "caesar costanza" philosophy to any of it, but a bunch of the shine had worn right off of them and i wondered what i ever saw in them in the first place.